The first one is Rik Carranza - Rik & Mix by Arts Award
Original review here http://artsawardvoice.com/magazine/reviews/rik-carranza-rik-mix
Reviewer Tom get's off to a unique start with an opening sentence that immediately plugs another show and then finishes off with a phrase that would be more at home coming out of the mouth of the Sherrif of Rottingham.
We then learn that the first act Rod Hunter was "comedically weak". The word "comedically" obviously reinforcing what kind of weakness was in question in this review, clarifying that in no case had Rod come out and challenged some kids to an arm wrestle. And lost.
Gareth Waugh is then outlined as "actually being funny". Such succinct description is not with out it's own subtext that reads "if you like comedians actually being funny, then this comedian is your guy". Comedy these days is often laboriously divided into categories like observational, surreal, story-telling and other such uninformative labels. Tom's refreshing approach cuts the bullshit and operates a much simpler "funny" or "not funny" scale, the same one probably used in Nuts magazine to rate grotesque pictures of foot injuries.
After describing the panel of carpet in the Lizard Lounge as a stage, Tom tells us that the headliner's set consisted of "songs, stores and jokes". Whether Rik Carranza opened a small tuck shop between playing the guitar and doing some funnies is not entirely clear, and leads to an intrigue that this reviewer believes could be expanded on. What did the store say about society? Was it a self-deprecating store? How much did it charge for a packet of Space Raiders? And was that incorporated into a topical routine about the credit crunch? Only the mood-salvaged audience on that day can tell us. Excluding the reviewer that was in the house.
Tom trips over his own brain on the way out clearly mistaking the word "cliques" for "cliches". Luckily they look fairly similar, and anyone reading fast enough will get the general gist. I had initially assumed an editor might have given this piece a once over, but then again, I once assumed that my pet cat wouldn't shit on my slippers.
Every comedian likes a solid quote from a review to use for future use, well Tom is happy to furnish Rik Carranza with a "I would pay for a full hour of his material". This is confusingly put under a picture of Rik, making it look like he, himself, is saying it.
Well Tom, I'd happily pay for an hour of your material, however there is no longer a market for failed Standard Grade critical essays.
"I'LL PAY FOR THIS!"
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